


We're so young but we're on the road to ruin (And every day is like a battle but every night with us is like a dream)

by Pedestaltrooper



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Bellamy is my son fite me, Clarke/Murphy brotp, F/F, Lexa/Anya sister dynamic, Lexa/Finn brotp because let's be real, Octavia is badass as always, Raven "I can make it go boom" Reyes, Sorta a slow burn but not really, eventual clexa, they would have been amazing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-07-28 23:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7660435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pedestaltrooper/pseuds/Pedestaltrooper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I used to be a warrior, Anomi." You ask your papa what war is and his only reply is something you'll never have to see. You ask him what being a warrior is and he says it is loyalty, to your Heda and your people. You ask him what peace is, and your papa begins to tell you a story. A story about a visionary Commander who sought peace, and fought for more than just survival. And he says it all began with a girl who fell from the sky.</p><p>Or</p><p>Anomi hears the story of the great Wanheda</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The fire is crackling as its warmth spreads all around, you splay your hands out in an attempt to grab a hold of something in your papas belt. When your little fingers meet cool metal, you let out a small shriek of laughter, catching his attention. "What is it?" His eyebrows peak high above his forehead and it reminds you of a bush. You begin poking and prodding at the unusual metal, "heya, heya!" (Hello!). Your papa laughs, deep and hearty, and he begins to pull this mysterious object out of his belt. "You know what this is, sha?" (Yes?) And you shake your head. You've seen this before many times, but only ever hanging on a wall as if it were a portrait, never on someone's belt. "This is a sword, it is a weapon." You make a face of confusion, and this only makes your papa laugh more. "I used to be a warrior, Anomi. Before there was peace, there was war. Warriors from all the clans would use these swords and many other weapons to defend themselves. Now there is no need for them. Not unless you're in the wild." He makes a move to put this sword away, but you stop him, "Hod op!" (Wait!) Your tiny hands grasp the stub of the sword, your fingers not quite making it all the way around its border. Your papa gives you a look, the kind that says no, and you let out a little whine of "Beia," (Please,) followed by "chof." (Thank you.) when he hands you the sword, it's heaviness pressing down on your lap as you observe this strange object. You ask your papa what war is and his only reply is _something you'll never have to see._ You ask him what being a warrior is and he says _it is loyalty, to your Heda and your people._ You ask him what peace is, and he takes a long breath before releasing it. He takes the sword from your lap and uses its blade to point at a tent, the biggest one out of the whole village. He points to two women sitting by the tent, a fire of their own crackling near them and a plate of food that is being shared. He points to these women, more specifically the pretty blonde one, and he says, "Em slip daun kom skai," (She fell from the sky,) And your papa begins to tell you a story. A story about a visionary Commander who sought peace, and fought for more than just survival. And he says it all began with a girl who fell from the sky.

 

////

 

**Present Day**

The first time Clarke steps onto the ground, she can feel everything. The slight breeze brushing over her skin, the way her steps feel mushy as she stands on damp grass, and when she opens her eyes and sees Octavia staring up at the sky, her eyes closed, head thrown back and arms outstretched, she can hear cheering. Everyone is running around and laughing, Bellamy is hugging his sister so tight she swears he'll break her, Monty is staring off into the forest, his eyes shining, and Clarke is pretty sure Jasper has just slipped on the muddy grass because she just heard a 'thump' sound but she isn't paying any attention so she can't be sure. And suddenly it starts raining, small drip drops at first but then it's pouring, Clarke can feel water cleansing her and she feels clean for the first time in a long time and everyone's still cheering and running around in excitement and as Clarke looks up to the sky she realizes this is nothing like space.

She can feel dark clouds looming over her and the wind whizzing past her ears and she can feel every little drop of rain as it hits her skin, like she's being submerged, and Clarke feels free. Images of the Ark begin invading her thoughts, her cell, cold and stuffy as her knees scrape against its heavy metal. Sector 29, it's glass doors shutting tightly as it vacuums all the air out, her dad floating away... And his face, _oh god his face._ Smiling. She can see the life being sucked out of his eyes, his arms outstretched as if reaching for her and Clarke remembers how her knuckles burned as they pounded against that glass door, bloodied and bruised as tears streamed down her face, nothing like the rain running down her cheeks now. And as Clarke looks around, her friends laughing and splashing in the puddles this rain has created, she realizes this is nothing like space.

She doesn't feel trapped, like her oxygen supply could run out any second, instead she feels a small tug at the corner of her lips as she sees everyone running around freely, not a care in the world, and she lets herself smile. Just like her dad. She looks back up at the sky and she doesn't even care that water is getting into her eyes because for the first time she sees her dad smiling instead of just floating away and Clarke wishes he were here with her.

 

////

 

**13 years ago**

Anya looks to the group of children running around, training. "Em pleni," (Enough,) "gather around Nightbloods." They all sheath their weapons immediately and stand in front of their Heda. Anya observes them for a little while, some as young as the age of five, as they breathe heavily, out of breath. Their training is vigorous but it is what they need if they are ever to succeed her, any one of them could possibly be Heda one day and they need to be ready. Anya unsheathes her sword from it's strap and points to one of the Nightbloods, willing him to come near. He obeys and Anya asks him to take his stance before she strikes. Her sword meets a heavy clang of metal as he blocks her blow just in time but she is too strong and he loses his balance. She puts her weapon away and reaches down to help the boy up and he makes his way back to the group after murmuring, "Mochof, Heda." (Thank you.)

She faces the group of children, and then, "What was his mistake?" No one speaks up and Anya repeats herself, louder this time. "What was his mistake?" Her eyes roam over the group of Nightbloods but she stops in her tracks when she hears a quiet whisper. "What was that?" She steps closer to the group, a few of the children parting and making way so that Heda may get nearer. Anya stops in front of a girl, her hair in wild curls, her eyes pointed towards the ground as she refuses to look up. "Speak up, child." Finally, the girl looks up, her stance is nimble, like she's trying to make herself smaller, but her eyes are hard, determined. Her voice comes out in a low squeak, "Em slip," (He fell,) Anya holds her gaze for a second longer before making her way back to the front of the group but not before she gives the girl a quick nod. "Yes, he fell. In the midst of battle, you cannot afford to fall. You fall and you die, is that understood?" A continuous ring of "Sha, Heda." circles around the group as they all answer. "Good. Get back to your training, you all have much to learn." As they all turn to leave, Anya looks to the girl once again, "Nou yu," (Not you,) She gestures for the girl to come closer and she does, her steps slow, tentative. "What is your name?" She hesitates for a moment, her eyes not quite meeting hers and Anya crouches low so that they are at eye level, "Look at me when you speak." Anya's voice comes out in a gentle whisper and she can tell that the girl feels a bit more comfortable now that she is talking to her as Anya and not Heda. "Leksa," Anya cracks a small smile as the girl looks up and finally meets her gaze, her eyes shy. "Well then, Leksa, tell me, what would you do if you fell during battle?" She shrugs, her tiny shoulders making a small indent in the fabric of her armour. Anya brings her hands up to the girls shoulders, silently telling her not to shrug. "What do you mean you don't know?" She makes an attempt to shrug again but Anya's hands hold her still. "Would you just lay there? Let yourself be slain?" Leksa shakes her head as she whispers a very quiet, "Nou,"

"Let me guess, you wouldn't be in battle, if you were Heda you would send your people to fight for you, sha?" But Leksa only shakes her head again before speaking up, her voice soft, "I don't want there to be battle." And this takes Anya by surprise because this girl has been training as a Nightblood ever since she was born and here she is saying she _doesn't want battle?_ That is the way of their people, it has always been like this and it will continue to be like this. Anya pins her with a hard stare, her voice low as she speaks, "Then what _do_ you want, Leksa?" And in a few years, Anya can say this was the moment she knew Lexa would grow up to be something no one had ever seen before. This was the moment that this shy little girl with the wild hair and the forest green eyes won Anya's affection and unyielding respect. And it was all because of one sentence, one six word sentence that would forever change the way of their people. "I want there to be peace."

 

////

 

Anya watches over Lexa as the child trains, she watches as she pours her heart into her skill, her blade, her person. This child may be shy but she is fierce. She doesn't have many friends, opting to remain by herself then interact with her fellow Nightbloods but she is the most promising and Anya knows that she is the one. She holds the spirit of a leader. She holds the spirit of Heda. So when Anya feels she is ready, she announces her as her second. Anya watches as a little girl grows into a young woman, how the years make her sprout six inches and at the age of fifteen, Lexa is already almost as tall as her. She watches as her smile becomes a rare occurrence, but her eyes still light up with excitement. Anya also sees how those same eyes grow heavy with the things she's seen, the deaths she's caused. Lexa, _her_ Lexa, the girl who wanted nothing but peace and to end battle, the girl who won her over with shy mumblings and forest green eyes peering up at her through long lashes - she is hardly that girl anymore, instead she is a woman, a warrior. Her palms hold evidence of rough callouses and an ident of a sword, her arms bear a great strength and her heart grows heavy with admiration of the person she has become. Lexa is like a sister to Anya, and she'll be damned if anyone takes that away from her.

Lexa sits in at every war meeting, in every training session, and is at Anya's side at all times. She trains and fights (the scars marking her skin evidence of this) and she earns the respect of Anya's warriors. She knows they'll be her warriors one day and Anya is proud that she has won them over, proud that they give her their unyielding loyalty and Anya knows she deserves it. She works, her face caked with dirt and blood and fire. Her eyes are still heavy but when she is seventeen summers her rare smile comes out just a little bit more, the cause of which being a girl named Kostia.

She is a healers daughter, but trains in the art of sneak. She teaches Lexa how to remain passive, her eyes no longer giving away what she's thinking, her body language void of the emotion it once gave away. She teaches her how to properly hide in the trees and how to steal kisses behind tents when they think no one's looking. Anya never reprimands them for it, she knows they need this. That _she_ needs this. Because even though Anya can no longer read Lexa like she used to, no longer tell how how she is doing by one simple glance, she knows that she is happy. The way she walks and how she carries herself, she is every bit the strong individual Anya knew she'd one day be. She stands up straight and looks people in the eye when she talks, her hands no longer fidget in nervous habit and she laughs. Not just behind closed tents when they're changing into sleepwear and discussing the next day's events. Not just when Anya invites her over on the rare occasion that duty does not call and they can relax and pretend they are just citizens in some village winding down from a long day at work. No, Lexa laughs _all_ the time. When she trains, a spear in hand, mischievous glint in her eyes and small smile on her lips. When she sees her love from across the field and they exchange quick winks. She laughs all the time now, and even though her eyes are still heavy with all that she's become, everything she's had to do to get there, Anya knows that this is for the best. That even though she can't guarantee her a safe life, a sound life, the kind that has her rising before the sun and tending to a farm and selling dried meats on the side of Polis with the bustling crowd and a squint in her eye, even though she cannot promise her a second day and a safe return, she can promise her this. She can promise her reassurances of her love. Reassurances that what she feels for Kostia does not have to come between her being a warrior and even though her mind aches with battle, her arms sore and in bandages, she gets to come home to her love every night and she is happy. Anya hopes that is enough for the life that Lexa must lead will be a hard one.

 

////

 

Clarke is seven when she learns about Earth. Her eyes shine with excitement and curiousness and everything else a child could possibly think of. Her mother combs her hair while she whispers tales and history lessons and urban legends into Clarke's ear. Her eyes are glued to the window in their room, the one that points directly to a big blue ball spinning out in the open. She listens intently, stories of cities and cars and _people_. Lots and lots of people, billions of them. All living together inside of this big blue ball that won't stop spinning (Clarke makes a mental note to ask why that is) and she wishes desperately that she could be there.

She is ten when her mother takes her to the health clinic for the first time and Clarke is amazed at how her mom is able to cure someone's cough with a simple needle. She isn't a fan of said needle, but she knows that the medicine inside it has the power to heal the sick and Clarke thinks her mom might just be magic.

She is eleven when her dad brings her an old sketch book, it has a bit of water damage and its edges are roused prickly but when her dad hands her a box of crayons she forgets all about the fact that it's old and worn and instead jumps up excitedly, a squeal in her chest as she flops onto her bed and begins working on her very first masterpiece. She faces that exact same window, the one that points to Earth, and she draws what she imagines to be clouds and grass and dirt. Her fingers are smudged with wax from gripping the crayons too hard but her drawing is finished and she is proud. Her parents stick it on the fridge with a magnet, and years later when Clarke is sixteen and Wells teases her for it, she throws it away in a bout of rebellion. Little does she know that her dad finds it when throwing out the trash a day later. He carries it in his wallet from that point forward.

Clarke is fifteen when she is caught making out with one of her classmates. She blushes furiously as her mom opens the door to their room (she wasn't supposed to be home for another hour) and she scrambles to hop off the brunettes lap. Charlie is only a year older than her and her hair smells like strawberries and Clarke realizes that she might not be as straight as she initially thought.

Clarke is seventeen, tears are pouring down her face and her throat is raw from screaming. Her knees bang and scrape against heavy metal, her hands moving in a frantic fashion as paint splatters the floor of her cell. She paints the clouds and the grass and some dirt, she paints the earth and she paints her dad. _Her dad_. Clarke is seventeen and she is three months away from being floated. She wishes time would move faster. She wonders if her lifeless body will float close to his, if she'll be able to be with him one last time, even in death. Because that's exactly what's going to happen. She is going to die in here.

She cries herself to sleep every night for two months. She cries for her dad, for the loss of her friendship with Wells, for his betrayal. She cries for herself. And one night, she is being yanked out of her bed, ushered by her mother with assurances of "May we meet again," and the promise of a kiss on her forehead. It represents hope and love and _freedom_ and Clarke is being strapped to a space shuttle with several other delinquents and her eyes are still shining with fresh tears but these are different then all those other nights. These tears do not represent hatred and rebellion and betrayal. They represent hope and love and _fear._ Her eyes are squeezed tightly and her stomach feels like it's in her throat, her hands are clamped to the seat, her knuckles burning white, and she vaguely remembers one of her history lessons about how people would ride roller coasters in amusement parks and Clarke thinks they are crazy because who could possibly ever want to do this willingly?

The space shuttle lands with a hard thump and Clarke bangs her head on the headrest but before she can even comprehend what is happening, can even realize that she is on the ground, everyone is slipping out of their seats, cranking the security bar up and over and they're all crowding around the door shouting for those nearest to open it. Someone does and some people gasp and everyone's speechless but no one crosses the line of no return. You take one step outside of this shuttle and you're a goner, no longer belonging to the sky but apparently Octavia has different intentions because she's the first to run out, slipping out of Bellamy's grasp as he attempts to hold her back. Her steps are tentative but they pick up in speed soon enough and suddenly she's ten feet away, her feet glued to the soil beneath her as she spins, her arms outstretched. The girl who spent her entire life locked up and in hiding is also the first person in ninety-seven years to step foot on Earth and she is no longer in a cage because she is here and now she is _free_. Clarke hopes she can say the same for the rest of them.

 

////

 

**Present Day**

They are not alone. That becomes clear enough when Jasper takes a spear to the chest and is dragged away by two men, their hair braided, eyes hard, and war paint slicking their face. The night prior, Clarke had spent the entire night looking up at the stars, her back laying uncomfortably on the ground but she had eventually found a nice patch of grass and even though it didn't compare to her bed back in the ark it was still better than the dirt surrounding the drop ship. The impact when they landed had blown anything within a fifty feet radius flying away and now there was only rocks and dirt surrounding it. Sleep didn't come easy and she let her mind wander for most of the night, her eyes tracing the stars and the patterns they made. She had awoken with the sun in her eyes and bugs on her arms, her jacket wet from the grass, and as they make their way through the forest, it's trees high up in the sky and flowers and birds and so much _colour_ is passing them and Clarke thinks nothing can go wrong.

She is wrong.

Octavia almost gets eaten by some snake like creature in a lake, Finn and Bellamy argue over something (Clarke doesn't care enough to ask, instead she rolls her eyes and keeps walking), and Monty almost eats poisonous berries but spits them out in time when Wells notices and warns him. And now Jasper is gone, probably dead, and they're all running back to camp as fast as their legs will carry them, being chased by some acid like fog, but apparently that isn't fast enough because by the time they make it back it is already late in the afternoon.

It is day three on the ground and Bellamy has begun convincing some of the delinquents to take off their bracelets, the ones that were strapped onto their wrists so the Ark still up in space can know if they are alive or not. He is victorious for the most part and some dub him the Rebel King. They bump heads more often than not and compete for leadership, Clarke thinks back to what her mother told her, _"The rules have changed. This gives you a chance to live. Your instincts will tell you to take care of everybody else first, just like your father. But be careful, I can’t lose you, too. I love you so much."_ And Clarke knows that she cannot let Bellamy win. Her mom is still up there and she can't think she's dead, she won't allow it. "The only way the ark is gonna think I’m dead is if I’m dead. Got it?” She walks away from Bellamy, his jaw clenched.

It's day four and Clarke is asking Wells for his gun when Bellamy corners her. They get into a heated argument but Clarke can see the fear in his eyes, can tell that he isn't really cut out for this. "Right now they're thinking only one of us is scared."

It's been a week since they were sent to Earth and Clarke comes face to face with Raven. She comes bearing news of her mom, of how Abby refused to believe Clarke was dead and how she is planning on sending the rest of the Ark down to the ground as well. She also comes bearing a radio. A radio that the infamous Rebel King then proceeds to plunge into a river and Clarke and Raven go on a scavenger hunt to look for it.

On day nine, Clarke gets to hear her mothers voice through a crackling frequency but she is alive and well and she thinks she can hear her mom crying on the other end but there's no time to focus on that because Jasper is still missing and all Clarke wants to do is say how much she loves her and how much she misses her but instead all that comes out is, "Mom, mom! We're not alone. Do you hear me? We're not alone. There are people on the ground, they took Jasper. I think... I think he's dead."

Twelve days in and everyone is on edge. There's not enough food, their water supply is too far from the drop ship and it leaves everyone exhausted on the days they must go and collect. Clarke hasn't showered in over a week and her clothes are hideous, caked with sweat and dirt, and some how she's managed to wiggle her way into a position of leadership because these people, they look to her for answers and for orders and for assurances of survival and Clarke isn't sure if she wants this. In the middle of the night, Clarke wakes to agonizing screams and cries for help and she sees that everyone has already formed a circle around something. She gets nearer and sees that it is Jasper, his wounds patched up but he looks smaller, thinner, his clothes and face in a bloody mess and he's cradling himself in the fetal position as he sobs. Clarke orders Wells and Bellamy to carry him into the drop ship and she has a panic attack once everyone has left because _holy shit._ That's more blood than she's ever seen and she knows she doesn't have the necessary medical supplies to patch him up if he's still hurt but she quickly quiets her breathing and calms herself because she is Clarke Griffin and Jasper is alive and he needs her right now.

 

////

 

Lexa is twenty when she first hears of people falling out of the sky. It happens during a meeting, Anya and her are discussing trade between nearby villages when one of their warriors rushes in. He speaks of a boy with goggles who was found in Trikru territory and who speaks _Maunon slang_. (Mountain language) He also speaks of a foreign like object found not ten miles west of TonDC. There was a disturbance over a week ago, sightings and claims of a metal box shooting out of the sky, warriors were sent to investigate but never returned.

"Do we believe him?" Anya looks at Lexa, her gaze steady, "Are you saying he's lying?" Lexa takes in a breath, holds it, before releasing, her tense body relaxing slightly. "He claims people have fallen out of the sky, Anya, _maunon_. It's a bit far fetched don't you think?" Anya tilts her head before she slumps slightly (no one else is in the tent, they always let their guard down around each other) "I'll look into it. We received several notifications from nearby villages about a light in the sky not too long ago, this can't be a coincidence." A stiff nod from Lexa is all she receives before she is up and out of the tent.

 

////

 

"Everyone we need to move now!" Clarke fiddles with her gun, her only source of cover is a body, blood pooling out of his mouth. Clarke tries not to think about how this person had a life, a family maybe. She also tries not to think about how grateful she is that he is a grounder and not one of her friends. She shuts her eyes tightly, tears threatening to break free because _what the hell is wrong with me? This was a person. A living, breathing person_. The metal of her gun slips a bit, its grip slippery and she attempts to load it. Her eyes roam the area but all she sees is death. Blood and gore, battle cries and screams, her friends caked with dirt and crimson. The clip finally snaps into place and Clarke makes a run for it. There is fire pumping in her blood and she doesn't think twice before pulling the trigger, in front of her lies a woman, can't be older than thirty and Clarke tries not to wonder if she was a mother.

"Twenty seconds! Move, move, move!" Her feet are heavy with every step she takes, she tries to pull in as many people as she can into the drop ship. Her eyes glaze over when she notices Bellamy, nearly forty feet away and a spear in his hand, she tries to reach him, tries to run as fast as her feet will carry her but then she feels a grip on the back of her jacket, someone pulling her in the opposite direction and she lets out a sob. "Oh no you don't, princess." Finns voice is rough, laced with regret, and his hands are harsh against her. Her feet drag and Clarke tries to get free but his grip is too strong and she's already in the drop ship. She hears someone scream and is horrified when she realizes her mouth is gaping open, lungs burning in defiance.

"Ten seconds everyone get your ass in here _now_!" The metal doors are beginning to close and several people begin to clamber in, bloodied and broken, and even though Clarke is relieved, she can still make out Bellamy's form only five feet away now, his eyes set on the drop ship, on his destination but suddenly Ravens voice is much clearer, much closer as she shouts. _"Three, two, one!"_ And then there's silence.

One millisecond of pure nothing before everything blows up into flames and the drop ship is shaking and Clarke can hear a continuous ringing in her ears as she tries to steady herself, get her balance. A few long seconds pass before she opens her eyes, her body slouched over on the ground and she can hear Finn as he whispers something to Raven, can practically see the smirk on her face because _holy shit did she really just set all those people on fire?_ But Clarke doesn't even care because her face is still wet with tears and her mouth is hanging open but the sob won't escape her throat and then suddenly she hears him, right at her side as he helps steady her. "You really think you can get rid of me that easy?" And Clarke wants to cry all over because when she finally does open her eyes, there he is in all of his stupid glory and Clarke wants to wipe that smirk off of Bellamy's face because for a second she almost thought she actually lost him. Almost. Instead, she just tackles him to the ground, her fists pounding away at his chest as she finally lets herself sob but he just laughs and wraps his arms around her, holds her closer.

 

////

 

"Nodotaim!" (Again!) Lexa huffs, wipes sweat from her brow and shrugs her shoulder, her sword hiking up slightly as she gives a sharp nod before lifting her arms and pulling back, her feet steady when she uses the hilt of her blade, its grip tight, and strikes with all her force. Metal meets a block of wood, a thick slash against its center, and Lexa holds her stance. Anya waits a second before putting the block down, letting her defensive stance crumble away into a lazy lean as she puts all her weight on one foot, one of her arms extending to give Lexa's a shake. Lexa releases a breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her lungs search for oxygen, she takes Anya's arm, her fingers wrapping around her forearm and she gives a firm shake when Anya does the same. "You did okay," Her voice is a bored drawl and Lexa only rolls her eyes, _"Beja,"_ (Please,) because leave it to Anya to not admit that Lexa did an actual decent job (Anya is convinced Lexa already has a big enough ego) (She is correct).

The blonde lets out an amused snort, her hand making a fist and she punches Lexa playfully before wrapping her arm around the younger girls shoulder, leading them away from the training area and towards their tent. (It's actually _Anya's_ tent, but Lexa is there almost all the time, and anyway, she's already called ownership to one side of the room and Anya knows the girl is too stubborn to give it up) (Anya secretly doesn't want her to leave, not that she'd ever voice it).

They walk without a care in the world, Lexa throwing her head back and letting out a loud laugh when Anya whispers something to her and no one pays them any attention. They are used to Heda and Leksa acting in such a way. Lexa often worries it will draw too much attention, in times of war, they need to be warriors, not two women from a village, but Anya always assures her that all is well. She is a great leader and her people respect her and Lexa still doesn't know how she does it, how she wins the hearts of many. They pass by a couple of Nightbloods training. Lexa avoids looking at them and her steps become a bit more hurried, her posture straighter and she wears a mask of stoicism. She was never one to interact with her fellow Nightbloods, that became clear to everyone the moment she was sent to train with them at the age of two. Even as a child, she knew what it meant to serve under Heda, no use getting attached to the people you are fated to battle.

When they reach the threshold of their tent, Anya pulls back the flap and Lexa ducks to get in. She immediately makes her way to her side of the room, falling into a lounging chair and spreading her arms out and under her head as soon as she drops, her head cushioned by her folded hands as she closes her eyes and hums, her head tilted back and Anya just watches her.

"Lexa," the brunette only grunts, her eyes peeking open slightly as she peers at the other woman. "There is something I must tell you." And this gets Lexa's attention, she sits up straighter, no longer relaxed and her eyes grow confused, her eyebrows bunching up slightly. She nods, an indication for Anya to continue. "There was a... situation." And Anya can see the exact moment that Lexa is gone, replaced by her warrior and she knows this means business.

"Situation?" She nods, moving from her spot near the front of the tent to her bed, only a few feet away from where Lexa is, and her body slouches as she sits on its edge, her hand coming up to comb through her dirty blonde hair before rubbing at her face, smudging her war paint. "Yesterday. We sent an army of warriors to the sighting of disturbance, you know this sha?" Anya continues when Lexa doesn't respond, "They are all dead. Burned. The camp where Skaikru has resided has been abandoned. Scouts were sent out earlier this morning to see if we can track them." Lexa only clenches her jaw, her eyes scoping out the room in an attempt to not look Anya in the eye, her voice is stiff when she finally speaks. "I thought that was to be a scouting mission." And it isn't a question, Anya knows this, and she knows Lexa well enough to know she is furious. Furious for not being told the entire truth, but mostly, furious because an army of warriors now lie dead, warriors that Lexa herself helped choose for the purpose of this mission.

Anya stands up straighter, "I understand your frustration-"

 _"Frustration?"_ Her laugh is cold and Lexa begins pacing the room, "I chose those warriors, Anya. _Me_. And now they're dead." Anya wants to interrupt, to explain the situation, but Lexa quickly turns on her heels, faces Anya and pins her with a hard look. "This was supposed to be a simple tactic, a way to employ data and secure the whereabouts and future plans of Skaikru and you are telling me three hundred warriors now lie dead? _Burned?"_

There is silence for a moment, and Anya now stands toe to toe with Lexa, she would be proud that she's finally mastered that deadly glare if it wasn't directed at her. "There was a change of plans," and Lexa _growls_ ,

"No there wasn't. This was the plan from the very beginning wasn't it?" Anya doesn't deny it and this infuriates Lexa to no end because she thought they were on the same side. Anya can see the fire in her eyes, the snarl hidden behind a pained frown, and she practically spits it out when she speaks, _"Yu gada yu wor."_ (You got your war.) and then she's fleeing out of the tent, a hitch in her voice as she says 'wor' because Anya knows what this means to Lexa, how deeply it affects her, and Anya only hopes that she can understand. (She won't ask for forgiveness, Heda does not ask for forgiveness).

 

////

 

It's day twenty-nine and the delinquents have made a home for themselves. It is a small camp consisting of forty-eight, all hotheaded and aching, but Clarke is sure they are stronger than ever. They were children, kids, before all of this. They were innocent, they were clean, and they were safe. And now they're here and Earth was supposed to be everything they never knew they needed, everything they dreamed of since they were able to first construct an actual thought... but now they're here, and it's... Clarke doesn't even know.

Wells is dead, and Clarke remembers her hands, bloodied and trembling as she tried to put pressure on his wounds but there were just too many and she doesn't have enough hands and _oh god my best friend is dead._ And it was all for her... A grounder, couldn't have been older than nineteen, she jumped out of no where and Wells jumped in just in time to take the blunt of her spear right in the chest, her hands were a blur as she kept stabbing him and Clarke can still feel the way her heart dropped, the way he screamed and the way the grounders blood splattered when she pulled the trigger. Clarke didn't think twice about it. She held her hand over her gun but couldn't seem to tear her eyes away and the second she pointed it at the girl, she shot her, it's sound loud but nothing compared to the pang in her heart. But Clarke doesn't have time to dwell, she can't, she won't. Because now there are only forty-eight of them left and even though Clarke couldn't save Wells she sure as hell can save the rest of them.

It's day twenty-nine and they've been struggling to survive ever since they landed on this god forsaken place. Their camp has become a sort of safe haven, with walls towering over them and a gate that can only be opened from the inside and they've established video calls with the Ark. Clarke doesn't get to talk to her mom as much as she'd like to but they're all preparing for their arrival and there is much to be done. The Ark is in ruins at this point, with Jaha losing his mind and Kane suddenly the new chancellor. Abby says there are riots and no one is safe and Clarke doesn't know if they are better off up there than they are down here. The peace doesn't last and no ones surprised. Octavia goes missing and Bellamy is worried sick, his temper is on edge and the slightest thing sets him off. Several search parties have been sent out but lately they've been noticing an influx of grounders, they get nearer to camp each day and they can no longer risk giving away their location. Clarke spends her days coming up with defense systems and she couldn't be more grateful for Ravens help. And then one day Octavia shows up out of the blue, with braids in her hair and a grounder at her arm and she beats the shit out of Bellamy when this grounder is locked up and tortured for information. He keeps quiet and Clarke doesn't mention the fact that she's walked in on many occasions to see him and Octavia communicating in a strange language she's never heard before, instead she stomps her feet a bit harder on the ground to indicate she's getting nearer and when she enters his cell, she places his tray of food on a nearby table and Octavia just glares at her each time, her eyes hard, nothing like the girl who once chased glowing butterflies.

"What do we do about grounder dude?" Clarke is startled, thinking she had been alone, but soon relaxes when she notices it's only Murphy. He sits down next to her, his knees nudging hers and their shoulders brushing. Clarke only shrugs, her gaze directed at this hill that's facing the other side of camp, she idly wonders how he knew she'd be here. "He's not talking, Bellamy is getting paranoid. I don't know if I can stop him if he does anything stupid, Murph." And when Clarke starts crying, her voice cracking and head resting on his shoulder, he doesn't say anything, just wraps his arm around her waist. After a while, when the sun has started to set and Clarke can no longer make out the trees on the slope of the hill, "I wish I could run away sometimes."

Murphy's voice is soft and it reminds Clarke of Wells, how he used to talk in a hushed voice when he knew she was upset, "Where would you go?" Clarke only shakes her head, sits up straight as she rubs at her eyes. She nudges Murphy, "Know any other planets we can crash on?" He lets out a bark of laughter, helps Clarke up as they get to their feet. "There's only so much you can do, Clarke Griffin."

 

////

 

Clarke walks on shaky legs, partly because this bridge survived a nuclear war and she's sure it's going to collapse any second now, but mostly because there are several grounders not thirty feet away from her. Five of them are on horses and the one in the very front, Clarke is sure she is their leader, has an air of danger to her.

She walks with Finn by her side and they refuse to get any closer when they get to the middle of the bridge (Clarke ignores the voice in the back of her head saying this is a bad idea. She also ignores her earlier discussion with Raven; _"What if it's a trap? They've never wanted to negotiate with us before." Ravens smile is almost eery as she lifts up a block of powder, "Don't worry, princess, I can make it go boom.")._

"Klark kom Skaikru," the grounder leader then looks to Finn, "And you are?" He hesitates at first, takes a slight step forward and then a step back when a few warriors begin to unsheathe their weapons, Clarke speaks for him. "His name is Finn." The woman tilts her head slightly, "He is your second?" Clarke doesn't know what that is so she remains quiet. It is silent for a second and Clarke resists the urge to fidget. Their instructions were clear, bring no weapons, no reinforcements, and Clarke can feel Jasper staring at her from behind, him, Bellamy, Murphy, and Raven all hidden in plain sight. "I am Commander of Trikru. You have created quite the mess, _Klark and Fin_. What is stopping me from ordering my warriors to attack your camp?"

It is Finn who speaks up this time, "There really isn't any need for that." The commanders expression changes and her eyes stare daggers at Finn and Clarke alike. "Three hundred of my warriors lie dead and you are responsible, _jus drein jus daun."_ (Clarke recognizes the saying, blood must have blood. It is Octavia's grounder, Lincoln, who helped set up this meeting. Bellamy is still wary of him but Lincoln has earned Octavia's trust, and Clarke has to take her word for it.)

Finn takes a step forward, slower this time, "All we want is peace," and the Commander quirks a brow at this, looks at Finn for a long moment and if Clarke weren't so nervous she would have noticed the small smile playing at her lips. And then the moment is ruined, gun shots are heard and Clarke can hear Jasper calling out to them, "They're in the trees! It's a trap!" Finn pulls Clarke down roughly and they make a run for it, she can hear a few people falling out of trees and landing roughly on the ground and she can hear the Commanders voice as she yells out to her, "We will meet again sky girl!" And then she's turning her horse around, some of her guards following her as they make a run for it but there are many grounders lurking in the trees and coming after them now. "Raven! Now!" And Finns eyes go wide because they're not off the bridge yet and Clarke can see Raven hesitate for a moment, "Do it _now!"_ The last thing Clarke remembers is landing roughly on the ground near Raven, Finn having pushed her those last final steps. She doesn't remember Murphy and Bellamy helping her up or Raven crying out to Finn to hurry up, she doesn't remember as they run through the woods, it's all a blur. Clarke only remembers the sound of bodies hitting the ground with a hard thud and the sound of the bridge exploding into a million little pieces, her ears ringing and small cuts all along her body.

 

////

 

They meet again indeed. Clarke has just escaped the mountain, her heart heavy with guilt but her mind full with determination. Her nose is broken from taking the brunt end of some guard, and her clothes are ripped from shooting through a giant tube of some sort that led her directly to some underground sewers. Not before she was able to rescue the Commander though, to Clarke's surprise. She was locked up in a cage like some sort of animal in a room with many in the same predicament, Clarke wishes she could have saved all of them but she knows helping the Commander will give her a better advantage.

Anya, Clarke now knows is her name, is weak, malnourished and an angry red sting lashing across her face, but she helps Clarke escape, unwillingly at first, and when they find themselves outside, having jumped nearly fifty feet into a waterfall, Anya knocks Clarke over the head with a rock.

Anya thinks Clarke is irritatingly annoying. She stumbles and makes too much noise as they trek through the woods, and she never _shuts up._ Her hands have to be tied at one point after she tried to pull at her braids and bash her skull in but her reflexes are slow and Anya easily overpowers her. It isn't until they get to a small water supply, Clarke refusing to get up from her spot on the ground and Anya rolls her eyes because _she can't possibly have knocked out already?_ She turns to get some water, that's her first mistake.

Clarke latches onto her back, her hands tied but balled up in fists and somehow Clarke manages to grab ahold of a sharp rock. She cuts herself free of her bindings and reaches for the nearest block of wood, lets out a grunt as she smashes it against Anya's head. "Karma's a bitch." But Anya can't hear her, is already too far gone.

They walk for what seems like days and Anya's sure Clarke is lost. (She is.)

Clarke stops at a small clearing that she does not recognize and Anya wonders how she's going to get herself out of this mess. They sit in silence, backs against a log, and Clarke's breathing is too loud. Everything about her is too loud. Anya picks at her palm absentmindedly, traces the scar there, wonders if she'll ever see her home again. Clarke notices the solemn look on the woman's face, watches her hand as it traces the other. "Someone knock you down once?" Her head motioning towards the scar, and Anya just gives a sad smile.

_"What are we doing here?" Anya presses her hand to Lexa's mouth, shushing her. They are hidden behind a tent, it is past midnight, and Lexa's eyes are drowsy with sleep. She doesn't know why Anya has dragged her out here._

_"You turn sixteen summer's tomorrow," Lexa furrows her brows, not sure where this is going, Anya continues. "You once asked me if Heda can ever give themselves to someone completely." Lexa rolls her eyes, "I was seven, Anya." "And I was seventeen. Do you remember what I told you?" Lexa nods, and Anya takes in a deep breath. "I said no." Lexa looks down, not sure why Anya is bringing this up again, but looks up once more when Anya continues. "I said no, but I was wrong. Lexa, I have known you since you were nothing but a child, and I have lied to you. Heda may not be aloud to give themselves completely to another, but when have I ever been someone to follow the rules?" Lexa's eyes light up, and Anya's smile widens, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she pulls out her dagger. "Leksa kom Trikru, I ask of you this," and Lexa gulps as she sees the blade of the dagger pointed right at Anya's palm, her voice is small as she questions, "You'd have me as a sister?" And Anya only laughs, "Yes. I may be Heda, and you may be my warrior, but this is a promise, Lexa. It is hope that one day when you succeed me, you will find someone who feels like home and being Heda might not feel all that lonely after all." And Lexa only nods furiously, her tiny head bobbing and she dives in for a hug, whispering an "Okay" into Anya's shoulder. When she pulls away, Anya hands her the dagger, "Oso tai choda op kom jus." (We bind ourselves in blood.)_

There is rustling by some nearby trees and Clarke springs to her feet, "We need to keep moving." It is almost sunset when Clarke finally stops again, a few hours after their first break and Anya's legs thank her. They rest against the rough bark of some tree, a fire at their feet, and Anya resists the urge to fall asleep. "Were you telling the truth?" Clarke's head snaps up at the sound of Anya's voice, the first words she's spoken to her since they escaped the mountain. "About?" Anya cringes when Clarke speaks, her voice far louder than necessary (Is reminded on why she refused to speak to her in the first place) but reluctantly continues, "About peace. Is that truly what your people desire?"

Clarke is silent for a long while. "We're tired. We came down here to try to live and all we've seen is death. I think we can all agree that we'd sleep a lot better if we weren't watching our backs every minute of the day."

"Is that why you're dragging me back to your camp?" Clarke's eyes widen, "You knew where we were going?" Anya rolls her eyes, lets out a huff, "Beja, sky girl." Clarke only laughs.

The next day, they are up and continuing on their path before the sun even comes up. Anya hadn't slept the entire night, opting to wait until Clarke had passed out and finding the sharpest rock she could before cutting her bindings loose. The rock was now tucked in the right side of her pants and Anya doesn't dwell on the fact that she didn't leave when she had the chance. They walk in relative silence and Anya is grateful, she doesn't think she'd be able to hold herself back if Clarke started shouting this early in the morning. The woods are becoming clearer and they've put a good distance between them and the mountain, Anya doesn't point out when Clarke leads them in circles a few times.

"You lost someone important." Clarke knows it is not a question, only stops in her tracks and looks at Anya. Flashes of Wells, blood spluttering out if his mouth and _may we meet again._ She thinks of her dad, how he risked his life because he believed the people of the Ark had a right to know that their oxygen supply was running out. She thinks of her mom, how she snuck her into the drop ship, gave her the best shot at life she could, when all its caused is pain and death. (Clarke does not want to hate her mom for this, but deep down she knows this is the reason she is no longer a child, the reason she had to grow up too fast and send her people to war, asked them to die for her because what other choice did she have?)

Clarke's answer is a simple yes and she tenses when she sees Anya's sympathetic look because _how dare she?_ Wells wouldn't be dead if it weren't for that army, fifty-two of her people would still be alive... and she wouldn't have all this blood on her hands.

When Clarke turns around, begins walking away, her posture stiff, Anya recognizes her mistake and calls out to her once more. "I have someone too." And this stops Clarke, ten feet away and breathing harsh as she waits for her to continue. "My sister. She is upset with me, I didn't tell her about the kill order I had given my army. She's different then the rest of us, she doesn't thrive off of war, she wants peace. Just like Finn. Just like you."

With her back to Anya, her shoulders tense and her jaw clenched, her voice comes out rough, "Why are you telling me this?" Clarke can hear footsteps, can feel Anya coming closer, her steps tentative and when Clarke finally turns around, comes face to face with her, she can see the worry in her eyes, the unyielding love and it makes her want to cry because that's how Wells used to look at her and she misses him so much more than she thought possible.

Anya's voice is soft but it holds a bit of fierceness, a type of fire that can never be extinguished. "I worry for her everyday. My people, they do not know what peace is, understand its concept, and we thirst for blood. It is all we have ever known. And I think it is time we change that." Clarke almost gasps, a hitch in her throat and suddenly she can't speak but then they hear some shuffling and Clarke pulls out her gun, Anya instinctively goes to the rock she's hidden and Clarke's eyes go wide for a second when she notices but Anya shuts her up with a glare. Right now is not the time to argue.

It is quiet for a few long seconds and then two Ripas (Reapers) are jumping out of nowhere and charging towards them. Clarke shoots down the first one immediately, a loud bang echoing, but when she goes to take down the other, her gun jams and her heart stutters for a second. Anya sees it coming, and she looks down to the scar on her palm, traces it one last time, and makes a decision. She pushes Clarke out of the way, jumps right in front of the Ripa and pulls her hand back before plunging in, the rock landing in its eye with a sickening crack.

Clarke fumbles with her gun, finally gets it to work, and shoots. They both fall to the ground and Clarke runs up to Anya, her eyes searching frantically for any signs of injury and she gasps when she see blood, a deep scratch right at her abdomen, the flesh ripped right off, and Clarke knows it is only a matter of minutes before she bleeds out. Tears prickle at her eyes and she rests Anya's head on her lap, her hands shaking as they try to put pressure on the wound but Clarke knows it's no use. Anya's voice is ragged, almost gentle, "You're okay, sky girl." And Clarke only shakes her head because _you are not about to die on me._

"It's okay, I can fix this. I can fix this." Clarke is now sobbing and Anya only closes her eyes, imagines Lexa, the first time they'd met and how she'd spoken of peace at only five years old, when she was sixteen and Anya had promised that no matter what ever happened to her as Heda, she would always be her sister. Anya thinks back to only a few days ago, the fire in her eyes as she stormed out of her tent, thinks about later that night and how she'd found her crying behind some hut and how her arms were strong against her shoulders when she sobbed into her chest. Anya closes her eyes and think of forest green eyes, and then she opens them and stares at piercing blue ones.

Clarke is crying, tears running down her face and she looks nothing like the strong leader she knows she is, she grasps for her arm, pulls her hand away from her wound and shakes her head. "Death is not the end, Clarke." Clarke only cries harder, holds Anya's hand with bruising force, "Don't you dare die on me, Anya! Don't you fucking dare!"

She looks up to the sky, thinks about how this girl, this infuriatingly loud girl, has fallen out of the stars and landed upon her feet. She is weak, she is clumsy, she is too emotional for her own good and she annoys Anya to no end, but she is also a leader. A bad one at that, but a leader nonetheless and she wants nothing more than her people to be safe. Wants nothing more than for everyone to be safe and what timing she has, to fall from the heavens when she is destined to move on. She knew this day would come, knew Lexa would succeed her, knew she would have to leave her sister all alone in this cruel, blood thirsty world. And then she looks to Clarke, thinks of a boy named Finn, and Anya is sure everything is going to be just fine.

"Let me die with honour," Anya's eyes are beginning to droop, her hand now limp in hers and Clarke wants to scream, wants to curse her mother for sending her down here, her father for sacrificing himself. Wants to yell at Wells for taking the blunt of her actions, at Finn for giving her hope. Hope that one day they'll have peace. But Clarke knows today is not that day.

"No, no, you're okay," and Clarke's voice is so soft, like saying anything louder would break her, and her hands are shaking when she tries to shush Anya, practically begging her not to speak and when she does, her voice comes out firm, like she's trying to be so strong. "Ai gonplei ste odon." (My fight is over)

Clarke sobs into Anya's chest, feels as her breathing is no longer existent and her hand falls from her grasp. Today is not the day for peace, today is the day for blood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be out sooner but I've been swamped with school, so apologies for that.
> 
> I seriously wasnt expecting many people to read this so imagine my surprise when I opened this up a few days after posting to see over 500 hits!! I seriously can't thank you guys enough for that.
> 
> Feel free to drop off a comment and let me know what you think, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Criticism is always welcome as well!
> 
> I tried to add as much fluff as I could but it's mostly just Clarke being a total mess as always.
> 
> I'm also working on a one shot Clexa Roadtrip AU that features Aden, it should be out fairly soon, so keep an eye out for that.
> 
> My Tumblr is pedestaltrooper in case any of you were wondering.

When Clarke gets to camp, her hair matted down with dirt and sweat, her shirt soaked with blood _Not my blood, Anya's blood, Anya Anya Anya_ \- Her steps are shaky, eyes weary, and her hand grips a braid of dirty blonde hair, its ends frayed. When the gates come to view, she sighs in relief but all that comes out is a choked sob but she holds it in. Her palm latches onto that braid, the only evidence all of this happened to begin with, and then she hears voices, a rumble of "Grounder!" but then Clarke is raising her arms, palms flat against the air and she has to clear her throat, "Open the gate Bellamy!"

First, "Holy shit, Clarke? You guys it's Clarke!" And then a chorus of shouts, all of them familiar but she can't quite make them out, all of them loud. But her head is throbbing and her legs ache and all Clarke wants to do is get inside and pass out for several consecutive days.

The gate opens with a heavy screech, faces come into view, all of them blurry and when she blinks a few times she notices Bellamy, and then Kane and without another seconds pass, a bob of blonde and a strike in her step comes running up to her. Her mom is warm when her arms press into her back, the elbows digging in slightly but Clarke doesn't care because it feels like a lifetime since she got to see her mom, got to hug her, and Clarke crumbles in her embrace. All of her restraint slips free when she wraps her arms around her neck, buries her face in her chest and she can feel her mom talking, can feel the move of her jaw above her head but Clarke can't hear a thing over her cries and mantra of _she's dead she's dead she's dead._ (Clarke does not know if she is referring to Anya or herself)

When Abby pulls away, her eyes roam over Clarke, worry etched into her brow and her pupils blown when she notices blood staining her shirt. "Are you hurt? Clarke are you hurt?" Her voice cracks towards the end, can see the tears adorning her face but Clarke only shakes her head, uses her dirty sleeve to wipe at her eyes and then she's turning to Kane, her posture suddenly stiff and her voice void of emotion. "Chancellor, can we talk in private? Now." And Abby is stunned silent. Kane shifts his eyes from Clarke to Abby, thick line of his lip turning down in a frown and eyebrow furrowed. He nods reluctantly, steps slow, eyes pleading, deliberate, as he communicates silently with her, is asking her to follow. Abby nods, her eyes not leaving his and they begin to make way towards a back room built out of scrap metal from the space shuttle.

When the door is shut behind them, Clarke looks between her mother and Kane, is hesitant to speak but she knows what must be done. (Knows that Anya did not die in vain) "How long have you been here?" Her voice is almost a whisper, is broken. Abby speaks up when Kane only looks between mother and daughter. "Almost a week." And Clarke's eyes almost shine with fresh tears all over again because her mom has been here for a _week_ , so close yet so far - "Bellamy stayed behind with a few others, it was only supposed to be a small hunting party, but then we detoured-" and Clarke's voice is _shaking_. Abby goes to take Clarke's hand, it still trembles when she tries to continue but she only shushes her, uses her other hand to cup Clarke's cheek and Abby can feel her jaw clench underneath her fingertips when she speaks up. "We know. We _know_. I'm so sorry, Clarke." But Clarke only shakes harder because she doesn't know. Doesn't know what it feels like to press down on that trigger, to see the blood spill from someone's mouth and the life shoot out of their eyes, doesn't know that Clarke had to sacrifice everything just to survive. And how could she?

Her head shakes and Clarke moves away from Abby's touch like she's been burned. She turns to Kane, her stance almost predatory because she is _not_ asking for permission. "Where's Lincoln, the prisoner?" Kane is hesitant but quickly relents, "He's safe, I can promise you that." And Clarke is way over her head because she can't believe she's doing this. "Take me to him." Her eyes are steely, Kane almost takes a step back. Abby's voice is dismantled, like she can't quite figure out what's going on but she sure as hell knows it can't be good, "Clarke," but Clarke only brushes her off, doesn't let her get closer. She repeats herself, her teeth grinding and she finds momentary solace in knowing she is real. _This is real_. "Take me to Lincoln."

Kane finds his voice, his throat bobbing and eyes fixated on the way Clarke carries herself, the way her hands clench into fists and he can feel the vibes she's sending off. Can feel the anger. "Why?"

Clarke is determined, eyes hard and they carry a sort of fire she never knew possible, "Because he's going to do something for me."

"Clarke. What's going on?" Clarke turns on her heel, almost gives herself whiplash, and Abby takes a small step back. "You don't get to ask questions. You sent me down here-" and Clarke's voice cracks at that, her eyes adorned with a newly formed sheen of wet. She clears her throat, wipes helplessly at her eyes, "They're still trapped in there-" Abby's voice is almost harsh when she interrupts, "Where? Where have you been, Clarke?" But Clarke bites back with just as much force, "Mount Weather. But I know just how to get everyone out and I need you to trust me."

There's a long moment of silence where they just stand there, tense, but Abby takes a good look at Clarke, at her disheveled form and the way her eyes zero in, are almost blank with red rims on the outside and dried tears on her face. Abby gives a slow nod, lets out a breath, "Okay."

////

Her boots are heavy against the metal of the floor, Clarke makes a mental note to ask what other changes they've made. The camp is fuller, has more metal, better walls, real doors. Her eyes wander, start from the metal of the floor to the doors in the hall, to the fluorescent lights and Abby notices Clarke's confusion. She leans in, her voice gentle, like anything louder would startle her. "When we landed, we took as much as we could from the Ark, broke it apart even, brought anything we could carry and we built off of this. Made the walls stronger. We still send out a few people every week or so to gather more supplies." Clarke stops, turns to her mother, her head tips in gratitude, "We built a home out of this. Thank you." And she means it. This camp is the closest they've had to a home since they landed, knowing that her mother, that Kane and everyone else, helped out to make it better, safer, it makes Clarke feel like she has a real home to come back to. Like she has something to come back to, even if it is just a few metal walls and rusty gates.

They keep walking, the hallway is empty except for a few guards and when they get to the very end, a gate, one guard is standing out front and there's a lock. Kane motions for the man to unlock it, the gate slides open when he does and Clarke steps in. It's a small room, only has a bench on one end and a bucket on the other. Abby grabs Clarke's arm, tries to hold her back but Clarke only brushes it off, keeps moving until she's standing right in front of Lincoln. His stance is tense, guarded, but Clarke doesn't miss the way he lets out a small breath at the sight of her.

It's Kane who breaks the silence, "He doesn't talk, hasn't said a word since we got here. Bellamy says it's been like that-"

"He talks," but Clarke doesn't face Kane when she says it, keeps her stance tall, chin up, "don't you, Lincoln?"

His eyes dart from Kane to Abby and then to Clarke, pays no mind to the guard at Kane's left. It's a few seconds of silence, a stare down between him and Clarke before he relents.

"Nice to see a familiar face." Clarke let's herself smile at that. She's seen him talk to Octavia but only her. She can hear her mom take in a sharp breath at the sound of Lincoln's voice, like she wasn't expecting him to speak.

"What do you know about Mount Weather?" Lincoln's eyes go wide for a second before he composes himself, shoots back a question of his own, "Where's Octavia?" And Clarke understands, can hear the hidden question, _is she okay?_ But she can't reassure him, can't tell him that she's safe because Clarke doesn't know where she is. She wasn't at the mountain and Clarke hasn't seen her here since she arrived. Her voice is slow, methodical, "I don't know-" Lincoln takes in a sharp breath, clenches his fists and Clarke can feel Kane and the guard come closer, can hear him take out his weapon, "-but I have reason to believe she's with your people." this calms him, makes the guard back off slightly but Kane hovers. "Take me to your commander and I promise we'll find her."

"Clarke!" She turns to her mother, can see the momentary worry in her eyes, "Mom-"

"No. No, you listen right now, you are not going to his people, you are staying right here is that clear?" And Clarke has to take a step closer, has to look Abby right in the eye. "Mom, you need to trust me. This will only work if you trust me."

"Trust you? What's going on, Clarke?"

Clarke swallows, her palm clenched around a braid of blonde, and she waits a few seconds for the tension to leave her bones. She ticks off the notes in her mind, screws her eyes shut before making a decision. Clarke turns on her heal, faces Lincoln again, "Anya is dead. She's dead, Lincoln-" she has to clear her throat after that, wishes no one heard her voice crack, "she helped me escape the mountain. My people are in there. And so are yours."

Lincoln remains impassive but Clarke can tell he's stopped breathing. "What do you mean my people are in there?" Clarke relaxes slightly at that, this she can work with. "Cages. Everywhere, locked in there like animals. The mountain is using your people like blood bags."

"They are not my people anymore." Clarke tips her chin up, looks to the ceiling for a moment, "What?" And Clarke can see the pain in his eyes when Lincoln elaborates. "They've seen me with your kind, I am a traitor to them. I'm afraid I won't be much help."

Kane turns to leave and Abby urges Clarke to follow, she doesn't budge but after a moment she realizes Lincoln is done speaking. Resigned, she makes to leave.

"But," everyone stops. Clarke turns towards Lincoln slowly, "I can tell you how to get there."

////

"Okay, so this way will work?" Clarke uses two fingers to drag out the route on the map, Lincoln nods, moves her hand slightly so her fingers are pointing in a slightly different direction. "Yes, but it's best if you keep to the trees, don't get too close to the river, there's usually three warriors stationed out there."

"Clarke, are you sure this is a good idea?" She turns to Kane, he's still a bit cautious around Lincoln, his hands are folded at his chest as he nods down to the map. Clarke turns to Lincoln, directs her response to him, "Is it?" Lincoln only stares at her before answering. "You were at the mountain long enough, my people must have already chosen a new commander." Clarke isn't sure if this is good news or not. She could handle Anya, she doesn't know what to expect from a completely different leader. "Anya's second, right? Who is that?" But Lincoln only shakes his head at Clarke. "That would be Lexa. That doesn't mean she's the new commander though."

"What do you mean?" Lincoln shifts on his feet, looks behind Clarke instead of directly at her when he speaks. "When the commander has fallen, there is a group of warriors all eligible for the throne. Lexa is one of them."

Clarke still doesn't understand, but then Bellamy is barging in, her mom following closely behind. "You're going to a grounder camp? I'm coming with." And he looks so determined but his eyes hold something else, a protectiveness she can't quite make out. "Bellamy, this could be dangerous-"

"I said I'm coming, Clarke. Octavia might be there." And Clarke understands. Nodding her head slowly, she turns back to Lincoln, "You'll be trailing us?" Clarke can feel the tension between Bellamy and Lincoln, knows that if he had the chance, Bellamy wouldn't hesitate to jump at his throat, demand his sister back. Lincoln ignores Bellamy, chooses to direct his attention to Clarke only, "Yes, I'll stay behind in the trees. Once we get close to camp I'll have to lay low, you'll have to be careful."

Taking one last glance at her mother, Clarke takes in a deep breath, and then: "Let's get on with it then."

////

The woods are silent, more peaceful than Clarke remembers, but she's learned to be wary. One hand at her hip, right where her gun is, the other at Bellamy's shoulder as they trek through. "How much longer?" And Clarke wants to laugh at Bellamy because they've barely been walking for about two hours. Her voice comes out a whisper, her tongue swiping over her top lip, "Lincoln said it'd be a six hour walk." Bellamy only groans. They've got a long day ahead of them.

When the sky begins to darken, the sun long past gone down, Clarke can feel a small shift in the air. A cool breeze sweeps past them, her feet numb as they crunch through all the twigs and leaves. The only sound that can be heard is a small rustle up above and Clarke knows it is Lincoln, but soon enough she can no longer make out the noise. Clarke stops, taps Bellamy's shoulder so he directs his attention to her.

"You hear that?" Bellamy quirks his head, "Hear what?"

"Exactly." And then Bellamy registers, his voice a bit rough, a bit hopeful this time, "Lincoln's stopped following..." And then Clarke is turning towards the direction they've been heading in, squints slightly as she peers into the darkness, can distinctly make out a bit of light. "Here goes nothing," but they only make it forty feet or so before they're being ambushed by three grounders.

One of them holds back Bellamy, kicks away his gun before he can even reach for it. The other pulls a knife to Clarke's throat, presses tightly against the skin there and Clarke let's out a harsh breath. Clarke looks directly into his eyes, can see the evil smirk plastered on his face, his voice a low hiss. "What do we have here?"

Bellamy thrashes, his legs kicking out as he tries to get free, but all it earns him is a hand wrapped around his throat. Clarke remains still, focuses all of her attention on her breathing as she tries to calm her thrumming heartbeat, as she tries to find her voice, and when she does, it comes out as a croak. "We're here to speak to your commander-"

"Heda put a kill order on all sky people, what's stopping me from slitting your throat right this second?" Clarke only gulps, can feel a bead of sweat start at the base of her throat as it shimmers near the blade. "This is regarding Anya-"

"What do you know about Heda?" Clarke nearly flinches at his growl, wants to cry out when the blade pulls a small bead of blood from the soft of her throat, can hear a loud smack as the other man punches Bellamy right in the eye, but then-

"Em pleni!" (Enough!) The voice belongs to a woman, her stance strong, skin dark. She has a blue stripe of war paint slashing across her eye, the tip meeting the beginning of her short hair. She then sees another shadow coming nearer, can't quite make it out but then Clarke hears her, a very familiar voice, speaking a very unfamiliar language. Her words are fast, demanding, as she practically shouts at the men holding her and Bellamy captive. The men don't relent though, instead they look back to the older woman.

"I said enough! You will obey your chief." And the way this woman talks, Clarke would laugh at the way these men cower under her glare if it weren't for the predicament they're in.

The man lets Clarke go, shoves her harshly and Clarke has to stumble to not fall. Bellamy is set free with the same treatment, his feet aren't so lucky and instead he trips over himself. Clarke fumbles for her bearings, kneels down next to Bellamy as he grasps at his throat, takes in harsh gulps of air. When he finally blinks, his eyes no longer squeezed shut and Clarke can see tears prickling at the edges, his voice is hoarse. "O!"

"Bellamy!" Clarke watches as Octavia rushes towards her brother, her hands skimming over his shoulders and face when she falls to the ground next to them. She looks like she wants to cry but she holds it in, a flicker of emotion flashing through her eyes before it's gone, the woman who saved them clearing her throat and Octavia scrambles to her feet as quick as she can in one fluid motion.

"Mochof, Indra." The woman only gives a disapproving glance towards Bellamy and herself before speaking to Octavia, her words clipped. "Make sure they weren't followed, Heda must know of their presence immediately," Octavia makes a move to come closer but the woman stops her with a hard tap to the chest, "search them for weapons." Clarke is sure she's about to witness another classic Octavia blowout but is stunned when she only nods respectfully, "Sha, Indra."

The woman (Indra, Clarke now knows) walks away and makes her way through the gate, entrusting Octavia with her and Bellamy. Octavia remains stoic until Indra is out of earshot, her eyes now holding a touch of softness but her voice a growl, "What the _hell_ are you doing here?" And Bellamy's eyes go wide because this is his sister, but with her face slicked in warpaint and hair tied in braids, she looks every bit one of them.

"O! What's going on? What is this?" His hands gesturing towards her armour, towards the sword strapped to her back, Octavia only glares, advances on Bellamy until her hand is at his chest in a show of dominance. "I could say the exact same thing." Bellamy only blinks, his eyes wide, confused. "Octavia, we came here for you, to save you from these grounders-" and it's like something snaps in her, because before he even gets the chance to finish, Octavia cuts him off, her voice so sure, so violent, "I _am_ a grounder."

Clarke can only stare, can only watch as the scene unfolds before her, but then Octavia is turning towards her, is coming nearer, Bellamy all but ignored, and Clarke has no choice but to put on a strong face, to harden herself.

"Clarke?" And it's only one word but Clarke knows exactly what Octavia is asking, knows the tilt of her head and quirk of her brow well, the way her arm waves about, a sword dug neatly into her palm, and the way her voice remains low. Octavia is asking Clarke to explain, and Clarke isn't sure she can. Where would she even start? 'Hey, your grounder guy brought us here, all of our friends are trapped in some mountain and now we need the Commanders help, love the braids by the way!'

Instead, Clarke sets her jaw, tries not to waver. "I'll explain everything but right now you need to take me to the Commander." Clarke flinches internally at the way Octavia let's out a harsh breath of air through her nose, but remains where she is, takes a stand as Octavia comes closer, takes short steps until she's face to face with Clarke, her teeth barred. It's a tense moment and Clarke can steadily count the seconds before Octavia eases off, moves her body so it's directing her towards the gates, "Right this way, princess."

////

Clarke follows Octavia, Bellamy treading behind a few feet back, and they slow as they near a tent. It is well protected, with several warriors standing guard and when Octavia stops walking and stands guard outside the tent herself, Clarke is no longer sure on what to do. She waits a moment, lingers by Octavia but she only motions with her eyes to keep moving forward and so Clarke does. Before she can make it inside, a man stops her, he advances on Clarke until they are toe to toe and Clarke tries her best to not look intimidated. "If you so much as look at her the wrong way I will slit your throat." She swallows. Her eyes can show a hint of fear, this she knows, but then he's moving to the side, opening up the flap of the tent for her and Clarke pushes down the nerves fluttering inside her stomach and threatening to slither up her throat, suck the oxygen right out.

Here goes nothing.

And then she's inside. The first thing Clarke notices is Indra staring daggers at her, but the second thing... the second thing Clarke notices is _her_. The commander is regal, a dagger toyed between her lithe fingers and Clarke itches to do something, anything.

"You're the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive." And then the Commander is looking up, right at her and Clarke feels dizzy at the sight of vibrant green eyes.

"You're the one who sent them there to kill us." And it's true, that doesn't stop Clarke from feeling like this is suicide, like what she just said could have her killed in seconds but then she's putting the dagger down, stabbing it into the arm of her throne and Clarke's throat constricts, swallows down a heavy lump forming at the base while her palms itch against the scratchy fabric of her pants, pulls at the material there to wick away any sweat forming.

"Do you have an answer for me, Clarke of the sky people?" Her next words nearly catch, almost puff out into nothing at the sound of her name rolling off into a heavy click, the 'k' a second from tumbling off and Clarke just wants her to stop talking so she can concentrate, if only for a second.

Somehow, she manages to get some words out and Clarke knows it's a stupid move as soon as the words leave her mouth. "I've come to make you an offer." And it's a total lie.

"This is not a negotiation." Her quip is short, leaves no room for an argument. Clarke has no plan. She came in here head first, ready to bump into anything, never stopping to think about possible scenarios, real consequences. Clarke stands here before the Commander and any fight she had pumping in her veins minutes ago has now finished, dwindled into nothing and all she can do is stare wide eyed at vibrant green orbs, piercing.

Indra speaks then, her tone clipped within syllables that somehow string words together, a language Clarke cannot understand and she is grateful when the Commander raises a single hand in the air, quieting her immediately.

"I can help you beat the mountain men." Another lie.

The Commander leans slightly towards Clarke, her posture displaying a sort of confidence that Clarke knows she could never possibly pull off, and her voice is indifferent with the only sign of her interest being a tiny flicker in her eye, and Clarke is beginning to think- "Go on." That this was a very stupid idea, coming here.

Piercing eyes look to her again, wait for a response and who is Clarke but to oblige? A hurdle of different ideas begin swimming behind her eyelids, a slight moment where she closes her eyes, blinks heavily, before deciding to tell the truth, go in head first and Clarke figures it's the right decision, it's worked for her this long, gotten her this far. "Hundreds of your people are trapped inside mount weather, kept in cages, their blood is used as medicine."

The Commander takes a moment before responding, "How do you know this?"

Clarke doesn't hesitate before answering this time, "Because I saw them, my people are prisoners there too, I was one of them."

It is Indra who interrupts, "Lies. No one escapes the mountain." She shakes if off, looks away from Indra and directs her next words to the Commander herself. "I did, with Anya. We fought our way out together."

"Another lie. Anya died in the fire, you killed her." And of course Indra thinks that, because really, what did Clarke expect?

Clarke pulls out Anya's braid, Gustus and Indra immediately advancing on her, one step in her direction with their hands at their hips, ready to attack any second, and Clarke's movements are slow as she approaches the throne, the hand holding the braid slightly outstretched. Clarke licks her lips, her words soft and when she sees the look in the Commanders eyes, she knows she's got her right where she wants her.

"She told me you were her second, I'm sure she'd want you to have this." Those eyes again, piercing. This she can work with.

Lexa takes the braid, delicate fingers running over the small bumps and grooves of each looped strand of hair. Her head is spinning when Indra speaks, "We don't know it's hers-"

"Shof op, Indra." Her voice is menacing and Lexa knows she's lost her temper. Her hand is shaking at this point and she goes to put the braid down, sets it gently on the arm of her throne before turning to Clarke, "Anya was my mentor, before I was called to lead my people," Lexa is surprised how even her voice is but when Clarke nods at her, Lexa looks back to Anya's braid and her next words come out a bit more strained then she intends, "Did she die well?"

"Yes, by my side. Trying to get a message to you." Her words are like a sucker punch to the gut and Lexa takes a deep breath in before composing herself.

"What message?" Here come her last words and Lexa wants to laugh and cry all at the same time because of course Anya would spend her last moments thinking of her. Anya was always thinking of her...

"The only way to save our people is if we join together."

Clarke's words are quickly followed by Indra's, "Those who are about to die will say anything-" but Lexa cuts her off.

"I'm still waiting for an offer, Clarke."

A moment. Tumbling thoughts rushing through her head and Clarke isn't sure what to say next so she says the first thing that comes to mind, "The mountain men are turning your people into Reapers, we can get them out before the damage is done. I get my people out and you get yours." Clarke looks to the Commander, tries to read her expression but all that comes up are those damn green eyes, _piercing, piercing, always piercing_. And yeah, this was a really stupid idea.

////

The next couple of days are tense. Clarke spends most of it feeling like she's walking in circles, that feeling of someone staring daggers into her back and maybe she could take the load off by leaving TonDC but it definitely doesn't help that she's been avoiding heading back to camp, feels like she's walking on eggshells there and Clarke can't quite understand why.

On her third day there, between meetings with Lexa, Clarke refuses to be the victim of Indra's glare for another second, and she finds time half way through the night, to pay Lincoln a little visit, Octavia and Bellamy in tow as they sneak past a few men standing guard. Octavia is certain they've seen them but Clarke likes to pretend she has some semblance of hand-eye coordination and she most definitely didn't trip when stumbling down the fence.

The walk through the woods is nice, Clarke doesn't feel as on edge. Though that might be the fact that she doubts any enemies would dare come this close to TonDC. She can actually take the time to enjoy everything, the way the wind whistles in her ear and how her boots sink into the ground with every step. And the stars. There's so many stars. Clarke looks up and all she can see are bright flecks of white blending into deep blue, a crescent moon hung within the midst of it all. Up there, on the ark that is, space seems so still, so empty. Like there's no where to go even if you can go on forever. It's endless but what's the point? All they ever were was trapped, a ticking time bomb. Even before she was arrested and doomed to solitary confinement. If anything, she was glad. Knowing it was all going to be over soon. Clarke didn't want to die, but if living meant being trapped in a box in the middle of space, then she figured she was better off anyway. But down here, in the middle of the woods with nothing but the sound of crickets and footsteps and a sky full of stars, Clarke thinks she might finally get it. That fight or flight instinct, that human nature to self preservation and the want to live.

Clarke is snapped out of her thoughts when she hears Octavia, her voice gruff as she shouts Lincoln's name like she thought she'd never see him again. She runs after him, her hair flying in the wind and Clarke puts and arm out to stop Bellamy from following. He looks at Clarke with a confused and worried look but all she does is shake her head, silently tells Bellamy to let them have this moment.

Lincoln drops the sticks and twigs from his arms, was most likely planning to build a fire before they arrived but as soon as he heard Octavia call his name he practically threw it all to the side, Octavia quite literally jumping into his arms as they embrace in the middle of nowhere. Well, not nowhere, it's a good night, nice company, Clarke decides to make the best of it.

She looks to Bellamy, "Come on."

////

They are all settled around a fire, Octavia huddled up to Bellamy and Clarke thinks it must be strange to have a sibling. A week ago Octavia was practically furious at her brother and now they're sharing warmth like they'll die without it. It's not even that cold...

Bellamy has that smokey look in his eyes as he talks to Lincoln, like he can't believe they're even discussing this but is fascinated all the same. "So the queen killed Heda?"

Lincoln shakes his head, taps his jaw as he thinks. He must settle on an answer because soon he begins to delve into a story.

"Many summers ago, after the rise of our first Heda, Beki, people began to disband, forming groups wherever they were welcome, this is how Trikru was formed. But we were not the only ones."

To this, Bellamy asks, "There are more grounders?"

"Think of it this way. Heda Leksa is Trikru, you are Skaikru, but there are many clans. This was during the first years of our nation, long before a coalition ever existed. At the time, Heda Beki simply wished everyone to prosper, she did not wish to rule. But in times of war, people look for a leader. So she accepted, there was to be a ceremony, but not everyone agreed."

"What happened?" It's Octavia who speaks up. Bellamy's too busy with his mouth open as he listens intently to Lincoln. _Nerd_.

"What always happens. War. The nation was falling apart, everyone started choosing sides. Beki decided this wasn't her fight, so she fled, those who wanted to come with were welcome and what was left of the nation soon became controlled by a different group-"

Octavia interrupts "The Ice Nation."

Clarke watches as Lincoln nods, his hands balled up together in his lap. "There are twelve clans to date. After Beki had passed, the next Heda decided it was kill or be killed. There wasn't enough evidence to call it, but they all knew. The Ice Nation never denied it."

It's quiet for a while, and then Clarke turns to look at Lincoln more directly, "The Ice Nation assassinated your first Heda?"

He sighs as he answers, "We've been at war ever since."

"But the coalition. Wasn't that to stop the war?" But Lincoln only shakes his head.

"There will always be war, Clarke. The coalition didn't stop that. Heda Leksa is smart, but even she can't stop the queen, it would take an army."

Octavia breaks from Bellamy's grasp, is defensive when she says "We have an army." but Lincoln only shakes his head again, looks past Octavia, likes he's zoning out as he mutters, "Not that kind of army."

Clarke spends the rest of the night wondering what he means.

////

On their walk back to TonDC, a few hours before sunrise long after the fire had dimmed down, Octavia and Clarke walk ahead, the boys lagging behind a bit. Clarke can hear Bellamy trying to give Lincoln the talk.

On Bellamy's side, he walks, his steps twice as long to try and keep up with Lincoln, his breath puffing out in front of him as he speaks, low enough so only the grounder will hear. "Thank you."

The grounder doesn't turn when he asks, "For what?"

Bellamy looks at Octavia, the way she walks with her head held high, the way she talks to Clarke, like she's in full control. "You made her strong."

Lincoln stops for a second, turns to Bellamy, looks him in the eye for the first time that night, "She was already strong." And then he walks away.

////

The next day, Clarke finds herself with the Commander more than usual. She is stiff when she stands and her words are always accompanied with green eyes staring right at her. It becomes too much that at one point Clarke just wants to shove her away and demand she make eye contact like a normal person. None of that peering into your soul shit. Clarke swears she can feel Lexa staring at her when she thinks she isn't looking, but every time she turns around Lexa is already looking in another direction and Clarke almost considers that she might just be going mad.

It is that same night, blurry eyed and with a dull voice that Clarke gets out of bed. She had decided to call it a night early, when she is awoken with a knock at her chambers. She croaks out a "Come in," and Lexa rushes into her tent, war paint still slicked over her face. _Jesus, does she ever take that stuff off?_

"Clarke." Is her only form of greeting.

"Lexa."

"I've been informed by some of my warriors that you took a walk last night." The way she says it, it's like she wants Clarke to feel caught or something.

"Am I not allowed to walk?" It comes out a bit sarcastic, Clarke briefly wonders if the commander even knows what sarcasm is. She makes a mental note not to say something like that in front of Indra, she'd probably have her head.

"You were armed, yes?"

Clarke only nods, not really sure where this is going, "Yeah, I took my gun, see," she picks up the weapon, waving it at her side, Lexa doesn't look impressed.

The Commander raises an eyebrow at this, looking slightly apprehensive, and then she says: "You've been here long enough. The courtyard tomorrow, sunrise."

Lexa makes a move to leave the tent but Clarke stops her in her tracks, "What?"

Clarke swears she can see a glimmer in those green eyes as she turns to say, "Don't be late." before exiting the tent, leaving Clarke stunned.

////

When Clarke imagined the several scenarios in her head last night, she sure as hell didn't imagine herself in grounder armour, her arms stiff as they attempt to wield a sword and when it slips from her grasp, Lexa almost looks like she wants to laugh. _Well that's new._ Instead, she makes her way around. Clarke stiffens a bit when she stands behind her, steadying her grip by holding onto her elbow, her other hand winding around to place the sword back into her palm and Clarke presses her fingers together against the cool metal and hopes to never let it go.

"Keep your arm right here," she says, her voice so close to Clarke's ear as she raises her elbow a little higher. She pushes the neck of the sword snug against her palm, uses her fingers to splatter her own across the handle and Clarke can't help but swallow hard. Lexa doesn't notice, is so focused on Clarke's stance, her eyes never leaving the wooden dummy a mere three feet away.

"Breathe," it's almost a whisper and Clarke is stunned to realize she had stopped breathing. She takes in greedy gulps, try's to slow down but then Lexa is gripping her other hand, is pushing it up and onto the swords handle and she can feel Lexa's body heat draping over her back as she remains standing right behind her.

"Clarke,"

Clarke's mouth is dry as she murmurs out a breathless "yes" and she resists the urge to clear her throat.

Her voice is firm as she quietly says, "Strike." And then Clarke is swinging, her arms flying down with force and Clarke can hear the crack as she hacks into the wooden dummy. She lets go of the sword on instinct, the vibration from the force reverberating up the metal sword and making her palm tingle with each shake. Clarke jumps back, thinking she made a mistake and not wanting the sword to fall onto her but all that manages to do is make herself knock into Lexa. They almost fall but the commander grabs onto her shoulders in time and Clarke quickly move away.

She stammers out an apology and tries not to look embarrassed, instead covering it up with a cough as she turns away from Lexa.

The Commander quickly becomes awkward as well but recovers smoothly. She then looks to the wooden dummy then back at Clarke, her eyebrow raised. Confused, Clarke turns around only to see the sword embedded in the wooded head, cutting off right where the eye would be and a deep gash from the skull down. She pokes at it only to discover that it's not going anywhere, she then gets a firm grip on the handle and tries to unstick it only to have her grip slip again. Clarke, quite literally, massacred a piece of wood so good that now she can't even get the damn sword back.

She looks at her work, "Huh." Lexa only hums out a response. Clarke turns around to face Lexa and then asks, "How was that?"

"You did okay."

"Okay? _Okay?_ I almost hacked his head off!"

Lexa almost laughs, but then stops herself and gives an almost smile instead. "I can see that, Clarke."

Clarke narrows her eyes, a smug grin in place, "Admit it. I did good."

Lexa only shakes her head, an almost smile on her face, "You did okay."

There it is again. That glimmer. Bright green eyes lighting up for only a second and Clarke knows she's seen that look before, if only- and then it's gone.

  
////

 

 _There will always be war_ Clarke can hear Lincoln's words clearly now, is being pulled by the commander through an escape route underneath TonDC. It leads to the woods and all Clarke wants to do is go back, run back and warn everyone but instead she's here, fleeing with Lexa and away from the very place she knows she's supposed to be.

A picture, both Clarke and Lexa circled in red marker, the targets. Everything else is a blur. The Mountain Men, plans to bomb TonDC and all Clarke can do is follow Lexa with a heavy heart. _All those people._

"We have to go back, we need to warn everyone," but Lexa isn't listening.

"Clarke, you can't go back," She hesitates, turns back, but then she spots Octavia, barely arriving with Lincoln at her hip as she talks to a grounder and then she takes off running. Right at TonDC, she can barely make out Lexa yelling. "Clarke!"

And then silence. A deafening second of nothing before it all goes to shit. Her ears ringing as she stumbles and tries not to fall and then Lexa is crashing into her, is calling out to her and steadying her by her shoulders but all Clarke can make out is a blurry sheen of smoke and distant memories of an ancient old bridge being blown to pieces. All Clarke can make out are gun shots as her and Finn ran as fast as their legs would carry them and then she's hearing Anya's voice, _We will meet again Sky girl!_ Can make out Anya as her eyes begin to close-

"Clarke! Clarke!" Clarke is thrown out of her thoughts, zones back in to see Lexa standing right in front of her as she shakes her, tries to get her attention. Clarke's eyes go wide and then she's coughing, the smoke in the air becoming thick.

Lexa leads them away from the wreckage, far enough that the air isn't stifling and Clarke can breathe easy.

Lexa looks at her with wide eyes, almost like she's worried, and Clarke's voice comes out like ash, "I could have warned them. I could have saved them." It feels like regret.

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice, you know that." And Clarke wants to shove Lexa off, push her away. This isn't what she needs to hear right now. What she needs to hear is that everything is going to be okay and that everyone's safe but instead all she hears are screams coming from the wreckage, flames strewn across the field in a heap of blaze and she can practically feel the world burning underneath her fingertips. Clarke feels the rage of the fire brewing on her tongue, lashing in her throat, tingling in her palm and all she wants to do-

"I want the mountain men dead, all of them" If she wasn't sure before, Lexa definitely looks worried now. The way Clarke's eyes sheen over, like she's not even there.

They hear rustling in the nearby trees, movement. Lexa pushes Clarke behind her, a protective arm holding her back as they crouch, try to be silent as can be. Clarke let's out the breath she was holding in when she recognizes who it is.

  
"Lincoln?"

"Clarke? Heda?" Lexa lowers her grip around the blonde then. "What are you guys doing here?"

Clarke is about to answer him, but then, "Wait- what are you doing here?"

He looks between the two women, takes in Heda's protective stance, then shakes his head to answer. "Octavia sent me, there's a sniper not too far from here."

Clarke blows out from her mouth, her shoulders slouching slightly as she exhales. "Octavia, thank god, she's okay,"

Lexa straightens then, takes a few steps forward as she takes the lead. "Shall we?" Clarke only nods, looks to Lincoln as they head out. They can hear the shots getting louder as they near, Clarke tries to control her breathing as they crouch through the woods, Lexa taking the lead, Lincoln covering from behind, Clarke dab right in the middle. What a fucking metaphor it is.

They spot him, a man covered in moss and green war paint. He would of blended in easily if it weren't for the six feet monster of a sniper sticking out between two large trees. They duck for cover, finding a large boulder to hide behind the three of them. Clarke makes the mistake of not looking where she walks and accidentally ends up stepping on a twig, the fragile wood snapping with a loud crack and then the sniper is pointed right at them, three rounds zooming right in their direction and clipping off the edge of the boulder. Clarke is quick on her feet, ramming back and slamming herself behind the giant rock, her back ram rod straight as she heaves. She turns to Lexa and Lincoln, worry etched in her features and then: "Well there goes a sneak attack."

It's Lincoln who provides a plan, "I'll lure him out,". There's a few rounds shot at them again, and distancing as Lincoln makes a run for it in the opposite direction. They take this chance to run, Lexa holding onto Clarke's arm as she yanks her the other way and Clarke doesn't even bother to watch where she's looking, Lexa leading the way as they break into a run.

They end up having to go full circle, make a turn that winds all the way around the outskirts of TonDC until they make it back to the snipers position. This time, he's not hidden between two trees but instead has Lincoln by the neck, a knife dangerously close to his throat. Clarke can see the feral look in the guys eyes, she knows he won't hesitate to kill him.

Clarke goes for her gun, takes it from the confines of her waistband where it was pressing heavily against her hip. She aims, then points, finger on the trigger but she can't get a clean shot. One wrong move and she'll be blowing Lincoln's brains out instead.

Lincoln can see the hesitation, he stops struggling to get out of the mountain man's grip, instead holds still in the hopes it will give Clarke the advantage.

"Just let him kill me then take him out. Clarke, your people need you." Clarke admires the way his voice does not waver, but now is not the time for death, Clarke needs Lincoln just as much.

Her voice is cold, eyes dark and trained as she says her next words with such finality, "You are my people." And then she's shooting. The bullet going right through Lincoln's shoulder and hitting the snipers chest where he had been holding the grounder. The knife falls to the ground along with the mountain man, Lincoln falling to one knee as he puts a hand to his shoulder, stilling the blood from oozing out. Clarke's breathing is ragged, chest heaving as she keeps her arms firmly in place, and then reminds herself to put the gun down.

Lincoln looks up from his position on the ground, "Nice shot." It feels anything but.

It's then that Lexa finally speaks up, turns to face Clarke, "Did that make you feel better," It's not a question. Lexa knows the answer. They both do.

Clarke's voice is void of any emotion as she answers, her fists balling up. "No."

Death does not mend wounds, it does not justify actions, Clarke knows this. It will not still her beating heart or flash her mind with images of good, of life and those she loves. All it does is kill. It kills and it takes and it _takes_.

Clarke turns to Lexa, the way those green eyes steady her. Death does not mend wounds, it creates them.

////

Back at camp, arrangements are made. Tents are set up, firelight surrounding all of Camp Jaha as Trikru and Skaikru attempt to co-exist, if only for a night. TonDC is in ruins, the loss of friends and family setting heavily. The loss of much needed warriors.

Within the woods, in a tent not far from both camps, Heda Leksa and Klark Kom Skaikru stand side by side, candles lighting up the room as they press together over a large map.

There is much to be done. There is a war to be won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, this is exciting!!


End file.
